Untitled
by Anna-Cate
Summary: One-shot Updated to a multi-chapter fic. James reads Liy's diary after she drops it in the common room. What will it reveal? Kind of Fluffy.
1. Chapter 1

Untitled

James POV

I could hear Lily's soft, melodic breathing over the low crackling of the fire from where I sat behind the couch she was occupying in the empty Gryffindor common room.

It has become apparent to me over the years that this is the only way I can see Lily properly. If she were aware that I was here now, there is no doubt in my mind that we would be bickering. Most likely about something stupid, like how loudly I was breathing or something. And as beautiful as she looked when she was angry with her emerald eyes sparking dangerously, and her red hair billowing out behind her like fire, it was nothing compared to how wonderful she looked when she was sitting. Just sitting and thinking about everything and nothing. So I kept myself hidden, telling myself that _one day_, it wouldn't be necessary.

Every now and then she would sigh almost inaudibly, and sometimes her eyes would flutter shut. Or she would sit staring into the fire as the flickering flames slowly dimmed, watching the dying embers, idly twirling a strand of her fiery red hair in her fingers.

Merlin, how I wish I could just sit there and play with her hair. _Without_ her swatting my hand away and then stalking off in a huff, murmuring something about 'personal space'.

The nights when she falls asleep there in front of the fire are my favourites. I can take off the cloak, or crawl out from behind then sofa and just sit and _watch _her. The way the flames reflect of her silky hair, making it shimmer like it really is alight.

When we're sitting like that, in full view of each other, when I'm not hiding like a coward, I can almost pretend that she likes me. That she is talking to me, and smiling at me, laughing _with _me, like she has grown to doing with all the other marauders. _But never with me_.

There was a soft thud from the other side of the sofa, and knowing that Lily was asleep from her rhythmic breathing, I peered over the top of the sofa. There was a small notebook lying on the floor that must have fallen from Lily's drooping hand.

Making sure that Lily was not going to wake up any time soon, (I blew in her face to see if she would stir) I rolled myself out from where I had wedged myself in behind the sofa. Shaking out my dead limbs I stretched over and picked up the book, thinking it was probably one of Lily's text books- charms was her favourite late night reading companion.

I was surprised, however, to see that it wasn't a reading book, but some kind of journal. _Weird_. I didn't know Lily kept a diary.

There was quill placed in the middle, obviously marking the spot Lily had been writing in before she fell asleep. I wanted to place it back down, to allow Lily her privacy, but curiosity burned at me, and I flipped it open. The first line showed today's date and '_Dear Diary'_ written in her perfect calligraphy.

I looked over at her sleeping form. With the fire slowly dying, she looked cold. Summoning a thick blanket, I draped it over her huddled form, and softly brushed back the loose hair that was draping across her face, obscuring my view of her.

I perched myself on the arm of the sofa and against me better judgement began to read.

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a hectic week. I'm so glad its Friday! I need the weekend to catch up on the ridiculous amount of homework we've been set. Seriously, how do the professors expect us to do it all? _

_I haven't been sleeping very well lately, and I nearly fell asleep in Transfiguration yesterday! I was so disappointed in myself. That is my worst subject, and I need it to become and auror! Anymore lapses like that and I may have to consider taking a sleeping potion to make sure I got my eight hours, or asking someone for help. It will be a first for me, and I would ask Remus, but he is so busy himself. My only other option is Potter, and as much as I despise the thought, I know I will have to at some point, so I may as well do so before I am ridiculously far behind. _

_There is just something about that boy. Maybe it's the way he carries that snitch around with him everywhere he goes, letting it fly a few feet in front of him, before catching it in the tips of his fingers. Maybe it's how he smiles and expects everyone to fall at his feet. Or how his hand is constantly fondling his stupidly long hair? Seriously, has he never heard of a pair of scissors? _

_Merlin, I hate-_

The page ended there and snapped the book shut, not wanting to read Lily's thoughts on me. It was hard enough to listen to them being shouted at me every day, let alone to read them by choice.

Yes, sometimes I can almost pretend that she likes me. But then I snap back to reality, and I have to accept that she will never like me, let alone love me, the way I do her.

I dropped the book onto the floor, and fled the common room, out into the corridor. I could let the tears flow here, the tears that I so often shed for Lily, without worrying about being caught.

Lily POV

I woke with a start, at first confused as to where I was. I soon recognised the familiar scent of the dying fire, and the stale smell of the Gryffindor common rooms furniture. Someone had placed a thick blanket over me, like most nights I fall asleep down here.

My diary was lying on top of me, open to where I had finished writing last night. I reread the last page with a heavy heart.

_-that boy! _

_I hate the way I find my eyes following his hand as he snags the snitch from the air every time he lets it fly. I hate the way my knees go weak when he smiles that special at me, the one he reserves for me alone. I hate the way I always picture that it's my hand running through those unruly locks, trying to imagine the soft feel of it beneath my fingers. _

_I hate the way I love him so hopelessly. _

_But what I hate the most isn't him. It's _me_. Me and my _stupid_ fear of trusting someone again. Not after_ last_ time. But I love him. I love him. Merlin, I love James Potter._

**A/N: My first attempt at a one-shot. Did you love it? Hate it? Please, I want to know!**

**Love, Anna xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey Guys! **

**Yes, this was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but you guys wanted me to carry on, so here you go, a second chapter! **

**Let me know what you think, and I'm sure you'll demand it if you want it anyway, but let me know if you want a third chapter, or if I should just leave it at this. **

**Enjoy!**

LPOV

'Hi!' I said, as I planted myself down next to James at breakfast. I cringed internally at how high pitched and excited my voice sounded, but James seemed too startled to notice how red I had gone.

'Umm... Hi, Evans.' He stuttered looking around, as if wondering if I was actually talking to him. Jeez, is it so hard to believe that I would greet him in the morning? The embarrassing answer to the question is yes. Yes it is.

I felt a little sick as I realised how mean I am to James Potter. _And I pride myself on being a kind person_, I thought to myself sarcastically.

I looked up at James, who was now fondling his dark hair, and making it look even messier than usual. His eyes were questioning me, and I turned around and started grabbing food in an excuse to look away.

I didn't say anything else to him, and when it was polite enough for me to scarper, I practically sprinted away from the great hall and down to potions.

I dumped my book bag down, slid into my seat, and promptly dropped my head into my hands in an attempt to hide my burning face. That had been...awkward. How strange that I found it hard to talk nicely to Potter, but I could shout at him all day long without breaking a sweat. It's like bickering with him comes naturally.

'Hey Evans.' A familiar voice said from above me. I scrunched my eyes up tight and prayed that I had imagined that husky tone. After an awkward cough followed I had to resign myself to the fact that James Potter was indeed standing next to me. I lifted my head up, and acted shocked to see him. He didn't seem fooled.

'Potter!' I shouted, before lowering my voice when I realised how close to a squeal that had been. 'I mean, Potter' I repeated in my version of a deep voice, which isn't all that deep, 'I didn't see you there.' I winced at how fake I sounded. He just chuckled at me, which made my red face burn all the more. I'm surprised it hasn't caught fire yet. 'What's up?' I asked, popping my 'P' a little too much for the question to sound as casual as I would have liked.

'Can I sit here?' he asked, nodding toward the empty seat next to me. I hesitated for a moment, which seemed to set James on edge, and he pulled his hand out of his pocket to rumple up his already messy hair.

'Umm. Yeah, sure' I answered quickly when I saw Snape wander in, his eyes looking for an empty seat, and grabbing the front of James robes tugged him down into the seat. I grinned at him when he gave me a questioning glance, which he returned uneasily and leaned back away from me a bit, no doubt wondering what it was that had made him so hung up on me for the past few years.

I quickly turned to face the front and pretended to be paying apt attention when professor Slughorn began lecturing. After a few minutes of listening I got bored: we'd covered this last week, but he was recapping because most of the class were completely bamboozled by Golpalott's 3rd law. Slughorn wasn't normally one to redo sections of the textbook, but the class was ahead in the syllabus so luckily for the rest of the class, he had time to go back and re-explain the basic principles.

I let out long sigh, and my eyes began to wander the room of their own accord. However, they were fixatedly avoiding the area in which the boy next to me sat, even though I could see him grinning at me from a few carefully timed peripheral peeks.

Ten minutes later and Slughorn was still trying to explain to Mary McDonald that you needed more components for a blended poison's antidote, than the amount of the antidote for each separate poison. 'Do you understand now?' Slughorn asked Mary. She nodded a yes, but from a frantic look that was sent to me as he walked away, I knew that I would have to explain it to her again later on.

'Okay, now I am going to be placing a different poison on each table, and I want you to brew the correct antidote for it.' When Slughorn came around, he placed only one vial on the table.

'Excuse me sir, but you've missed me' I said, looking at the place where my vial should be.

'Oh, did I forget to mention? After the fiasco we had doing this last time' he looked pointedly at James and Sirius who had managed to blow up both their own cauldrons, and set a Hufflepuff's eyebrows alight, 'I decided it may be better to work in pairs today' he announced cheerily, as if we should be rejoicing at the news. I grinned up at him, but from his bewildered expression I think it was more of a grimace.

I blew out a breath, and turned toward James, who was staring at me, and smiling like he had just won the lottery. 'Okeydokey Evans. What we doing? He asked with a boyish grin and rumple of his hair.

'We're brewing an antidote' I said slowly, like he was a child.

'Thanks for clarifying that.' He said sarcastically. 'How do we do that?'

'Just set the cauldron on the fire and I'll explain from there.' I sighed, realising that teaching this to Potter was going to be a long, agonising process.

'Right. Pour the poison into a flask and set that in boiling water in the cauldron.' I said in my nicest, most polite voice. James grinned down at me and did as instructed.

'And that's to separate the different ingredients?' Potter questions.

'Yup' I answered, biting my lip, and staring intently at the cauldron in an excuse to keep my eyes from Potter.

'Okay, take out the flask' I instructed Potter once the poison had separated. The black haired boy grinned at me and shoved his hand straight into the cauldron, grabbing the scolding flask. He yelped, jumping back from his seat and sending the flask crashing to the floor, where it smashed and spilled its contents across our shoes. 'Potter' I growled, as he warily lifted his eyes to mine, and smiled at me, raising his shoulders as if to say 'mistakes happen?'.

'Just clean it up' I said, rubbing my forehead and trying my best not to shout.

Once all the poison was back in the flask, albeit with an extra pinch of mud and dust, I set it back into the cauldron and thrust a cloth into Potters hand for future use. He blushed a little when I insisted that I remove the flask this time.

'Cut these up into small, identical chucks' I told Potter (still with an attempt at using my kind voice) and turned around to concentrate on stirring the start of the antidote.

'Ahh! My finger! _My finger_!' Potter yelled. I turned around to find Potter holding one of his fingers that was spurting so much blood he looked like he had been wounded in a Quentin Tarantino movie.

Slughorn came bounding over to see what all the commotion was about. 'What's happened m'boy?' he asked gruffly, staring in confusion at the sheer amount of blood that was pouring from James' hand.

'I cut my finger, sir' he said, removing his hand to show a gash so deep you could see the bone through the flesh. I winced away, dry retching at the wound. Slughorn looked a little green. 'How did you do that?' he asked, sounding genuinely interested.

'Wasn't paying attention to what I was cutting' he admitted, his eyes flitting to me, expecting to be punished.

I ignored him. 'Aren't you going to heal it sir?' I asked, under the impression that James was actually in rather a lot of pain, his quivering smile giving him away.

'What? Oh yes!' Slughorn sealed the wound, vanished away all the blood and telling everyone to get back to work, wandered off back to his desk where he was no doubt hoarding biscuits.

I turned to glare at James. 'Oops' he breathed. 'But hey, they _are_ identical.' He said, sounding proud of himself and pointing down toward the scurvy grass.

'I think that one has more dried blood on it than that one.' I pointed to a particularly red looking stem. James's brow furrowed in concentration, before he shrugged.

'It'll be fine' he announced, in that care free way of his that I have always been envious of. Everything I do needs to be perfect. I have this overwhelming need to prove myself to people.

'It won't be fine!' I snapped. 'Maybe I can clean them.' I murmured to myself, conjuring some water into a bowl. I turned around to grab the stems but Potter yanked the cutting board away from me and dumped the contents into the cauldron before I could react.

'There' he said, folding his arms over his chest and smiling at me. 'It's un-saveable, so now you can relax.' He said, tipping back his chair so he was balancing on its hind legs, and stroking his hair. I glared angrily at him, and was about to start shouting when the cauldron began to shake.

'Is that normal?' James asked, his chair crashing back down onto all four legs.

'It's never happened before…' I said, peering over the top of the cauldron. 'It's gone PINK!' I shouted, whirling on Potter.

'Is that not right?' He asked eyes wide.

'It's supposed to be a creamy colour. Your stupid blood has stained it!' I picked up a spoon, and gave the top of the potion a prod. It had the texture of jelly.

Yanking out the spoon, I took a long deep breath, and tried to remind myself that I was meant to be being nice to Potter. 'Why didn't you just let me _fix it_?' I spat out, my calm façade disappearing before it had even begun.

James was leaning back in his chair, as far away from me as possible. 'I didn't think it would make too much of a difference.' He admitted. 'Plus, you worry way too much.' He shrugged.

'Too much of a difference? I growled. You didn't think Magic blood would make _a difference_? How can someone so clever be so bloody stupid?'

Potter's face lit up at this. 'Hey, you complimented me.'

'What?'

'Aww, Evans. That's so sweet. You think I'm clever.' I threw the spoon down in exasperation. It was just so typically Potter; he always manages to find something good in every crappy situation.

'That's not what I meant.' I clarified.

'_Suure_.' James drawled, giving me the overwhelming urge to just pour the entire contents of our cauldron over him.

It was the slight sizzling sound that first alerted me to the problem. 'What is that?' I asked James, rubbing my ear to get rid of the noise.

'Whoah.' He jumped up, yanking me away from the table just as the cauldron crashed through the desk and onto the stone floor.

'What in Merlin's name…?'

'Mr. Potter and Miss. Evans! What _are_ you doing?' Slughorn boomed, marching across the room, his moustache spotted with crumbs.

I went bright red as every single student in the room twizzled in their seats to stare at us.

'_Weeell_'…' James began, stepping forward, and preparing to lie through his teeth.

Slughorn must have anticipated this because he stopped James before he could even get started.

'Never mind. I don't want to know.' He sighed, holding up his hand. You really do need a lot of patience to be a good potions teacher.

_Crash!_

I jumped about a yard into the air as the table followed the cauldron onto the floor, and I stumbled back into James, who caught me before I fell.

I awkwardly disentangled myself from his grip and took a measured sidestep away from him. My racing heartbeat could no longer be blamed on shock.

The table was hissing like a spitting frying pan, and I took a curious step closer. A huge whole had been singed through the oak table.

'Bleeding hell.' I whispered. 'That's some strong blood.' I looked at the little blobs of wobbling mixture that were managing to make sizeable dents in the solid stone floor.

'Alright!' Slughorn clapped his hands together, and began bustling about, finally taking control of the situation. 'Everyone out! Out,_ right_ now! We will have to complete this class another time, lunch maybe.' A groan went round the classroom. 'If you want someone to moan at Mr. Potter and Miss Evans should be your targets.' He chuckled, shooing everyone from the room like we were stray cats. 'Come-on now. Everyone out. It's not safe in here.'

I was a little too shocked to leave at first, but James grabbed my bag and sliding his hand under my arm led me from the dungeons.

There were a lot of glares being aimed our way, but most were only messing around. We had all been kicked out of the dungeons on many occasions before for this sort of thing. Of course it had never been my fault before…

'Way to go, Evans.' A slimy voice hissed in my ear. 'Couldn't keep your eyes off him for two seconds to concentrate on your work? How very _studious_ of you.'

'Hey!' James yelled after Severus, who had swept past me and down the corridor. 'Oi! I'm talking to you!' He shouted, dropping my arm, and getting ready to chase Sev down the hall.

'Whoah. James. Calm down.' I called, grabbing his hand to pull him back. Overreaction much?

'_Calm down_? You can't let him talk to you like that!' He said, sounding bewildered and angry.

'It's no biggie' I assured him, patting his arm gently.

James looked down at me for a moment and then nodded his head at me. 'Okay, if you say so'. I let the scepticism pass and gave him a small smile.

We walked up the stairs of the dungeons in comfortable silence, while I thought about how easy it had been for me to get over my anger at James so quickly. He really was rather likeable when you gave him a chance. Gallant too, what with the Snape thing. _Not _that I couldn't handle Sev by myself if I wanted to.

'So what are you going to do with the rest of this lesson?' James asked me casually as we ascended the last of the steps.

'Err, I was going to go the library.' I admitted.

'The library?' He asked, his face a mask of shock.

'Yes, the library' I giggled, giving him a small shove with my shoulder as we dawdled through the entrance hall.

'Jeez. How boring. It's like 25° outside! Come sit with us?' He suggested, nodding down toward the lake where Sirius and Remus had already sprawled themselves across the grass.

I really wanted to go, and I thought longingly of basking under the suns warm glow. 'Sorry. I just can't waste any more time this close to exams.' I smiled apologetically, but if I thought James was going to give up that easy I was wrong.

'Aww, come on Evans. There only end of year exams, and you've gotta take a break sometime.' He whined. 'You should think of this lesson as an extra free.'

'I spend my frees studying.'

'Really?' He asked, sounding so appalled I had to laugh. His face broke out into a wide grin.

'Come on Lily, it'll be fun.' He pleaded, tugging on robes. I was still undecided. 'How about if you bring your books down and we study outside?'

'We?' I asked.

'Yeah, sure. I probably should spend more time studying, anyway, so, why not?'

'You're not going to let this go, are you?'

'Nope' he smirked.

'Fine.' I agreed, taking my book bag from him and slinging it over my shoulder.

'Really?' He asked, disbelieving, resting his elbow in the stairs banister and as I made my way back down the steps.

My heart sank a little at how shocked he was that I would willingly spend time with him. 'Yep. Come on,' I laughed pushing him back a few steps. 'Race ya!' I called and ran off sprinting.

'Hey! That's cheating!' he called from behind me. I had only just made it outside when I saw him loping past me. _How in merlin's name could he run so fast?_ The question must have been written all over my face because he chuckled,' look at your tiny little legs whirring so fast.'

I huffed but kept on going. I swear I was running all out, and he was just walking along beside me.

'Yeah, well who's the loser now?' I asked, leaping into the air and landing on his back. He just burst out laughing as I clung onto his back for dear life. I had been hoping for more a piggy back style, but had over shot and my head was bouncing against his chest, my legs dangling down his back as I slipped further and further toward the floor.

Once he had reigned in his laughter to no more than a few chuckles he managed to wheeze out. 'I think that this time, the loser's probably you.'

I made no response, instead concentrating on clinging onto James for dear life. Finally he slowed, and let me slide onto the floor beside Sirius, who was grinning from ear to ear.

'Finally decided to take my advice and just go ahead and kidnap her?' He joked, as I twisted into a sitting position and tried to pat down my hair.

'Yup. She was an easy target. Didn't even notice me she was so busy concentrating on walking and reading at the same time.'

'Bleeding hell. It's like bloody Moony.' Sirius moaned. Remus looked up from his textbook at the mention of his name, and gave me a polite nod. 'Lily.'

'Hey Remus.'

'So, anyone wanna go for a swim in the lake?' James asked, one hand rumpling his hair.

'I thought the deal was that we were going to study?' I asked, suspicious. I saw Sirius freeze beside me.

'Bleeding hell, Prongs! What did you bring her down here for? Now there are two of them, and that means we can't out vote Remus' study ideas anymore.' Sirius muttered angrily, throwing glares around at each of us.

James swept straight past Sirius' comment. 'To be honest Lily, that was more of a ploy to get you down here.' He admitted, yanking on his fringe.

It was odd, I knew that I should feel annoyed, perhaps even angry about this, but all I really wanted to do was laugh.

Apparently this was such shocking behaviour that Remus actually looked up at me from his book, and Sirius had nothing to say – for a couple of seconds.

'Are you sure you took the right girl, Prongs? 'Cause you know, this one's acting a little peculiar. Did you hear that sound she just made? It's called _laughing_. And your Evans doesn't do that. Well, not when _you're_ around anyway.

I rolled my eyes and lobbed one of James' discarded shoes at his head. 'Shut up.'

'You know, James. I think this means that she will be happy to come for a swim.' Sirius translated.

James only smiled. _My_ smile. The one he reserves only for me.

**A/N: Did it live up to your expectations. **

**Was James up too standards, not too gay this time?**

**Anna-Cate xxx**


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